The Douche will be arriving at my house after I get out of work today, dropping off “the rest” of my things and picking up proposed divorce papers.
I made a comment that it was going to be a hard evening. I received this response from a well-meaning friend: “It will be only as hard as you make it. Attitude is everything.”
While I certainly agree that attitude has power and that I have a choice over my own reactions, I sort of take issue with the first part. It seems pretty dismissive of the very real, palpable angst that has been my reality. If it were that simple, the world would be filled with an abundance of well-adjusted, emotionally stable people. I’m pretty sure it’s not.
It also appears to excuse The Douche from his share of responsibility; that the tension between us is exclusively my doing. No one is ever irreproachable, I’m sure I wasn’t the perfect wife. However, he made a choice to find solutions to whatever he saw as our marital problems through deceit and infidelity.
So yes, regardless of attitude, his presence reminds me of the feelings of betrayal and rejection that were a direct result of his actions. I’m tired of the inspirational posters with their smug “Think Happy, Be Happy” banalities. I’m not done being furious (although working past heartbroken); no falsely pasted smile is going to change that. I think I have the right.
Perhaps I’m just not very enlightened.
EDITED TO ADD: And he was a no-show. Surprised? I don’t think so.