I swear I couldn’t make this drama up if I tried.
The weekend before last a friend from out of town was visiting and asked me to lunch. Since she was going to be in the area, she offered to collect me. I’m just as happy not to drive, so I went along with her suggestion and was looking forward to the chance to catch up. When she arrived, my friend insisted we head off to lunch immediately. I was a little puzzled, but presumed she was just peckish.
Once I was in the car, trapped, she laid it on me. “You won’t mind if a ‘friend’ of mine joins us, right? You’ll like him.”
Set. Up. Without warning or a viable escape route. So not cool.
Lunch was a verifiable fiasco. I was livid at my girlfriend. I’m just not interested in dating just yet and the assumption had me seeing red. Even under the best of circumstances, I wouldn’t have been interested in the prospective suitor. At first he seemed charismatic, but his attempts to cultivate engaging conversation felt less than genuine, faintly pretentious and egocentric.
It gets better, if more bizarre. This charmer tells me that he’s “’unhappily married” and he and his wife were openly seeing other people in an attempt to save their marriage. Excuse me? CHECK PLEASE!
All the way home my girlfriend apologized profusely, horribly embarrassed. She hadn’t known and was certainly well meaning. I had to explain that I was crosser about her completely dismissing my needs and emotional availability than the fact that the guy turned out to be a nut-job.
So here’s my public service announcement:
Rule #34 for Surviving Your Friend’s Divorce, friendship intact.
No set-up ambushing. Do not ever assume that simply because someone is unattached that they are looking. Trying to set someone up without their knowledge or permission is insulting; it implies that you believe you know what they want/need better than they do. I don’t care if you think they’d be perfect together. Don’t.