So I’ve been struggling with putting words to something that happened to me yesterday because I don’t want to sound like a dic%h3@d.
I’d like to think that if you know me in real life, you are aware that I’m an accepting, progressive person. There isn’t a judgmental, bigoted, sexist, racist, dogmatist bone in my body. My steadfast philosophy is, if you’re not a jerk about it, then I don’t care what color you are, where you pee, who you sleep with, who you pray to (or if you pray at all).
We do not have to be the same to be friends.
Now that’s out of the way… if you haven’t read the “No Diving in Shallow End” page, do that now. Don’t worry; I’ll wait.
All caught up? Great.
So Dr. Jekyll is now living as a woman.
Again, I have to feel like I need to justify. I unequivocally support the LGBT community. I have very close friends in various stages of transition. The only negative thing I might say is that I’m pretty jealous that I have a trans friend who looks way better in a dress than I ever could. Smoking. Hot. (That has nothing to do with her gender identity and everything to do with the fact that I wish I were smoking hot.)
I’ve never had the switcheroo experience before. I’ve met all my trans friends either mid- or post-transition. The whole thing has been a bit of a surprise. Dr. Jekyll was undeniably masculine when we dated. We had the typical male/female heterosexual relationship. There was never a hint of a struggle with gender identity. It has no influence on my life in the slightest; it was simply unexpected when I saw her new photo and name. (Granted, honesty wasn’t Dr. J’s strength so who knows what was going on under the surface.)
So here’s the point of the whole story. My first thought when I learned about her change was that I should take down the No Diving page. I know that LGBT folks in general live with some pretty awful discrimination and hatred. My gut reaction was that it was bad form for me to say anything negative about her.
Flip. Flop. After thinking about it for a while though, I changed my opinion. Is it right to be more forgiving of someone simply because they are part of a targeted minority? The litmus test is that I wouldn’t have excused the behavior of a straight person, so why should she get absolution?
If we’re going to be fair and equitable, it should be across the board. If you are sugar and spice and everything nice, we’re good. If you’re a belligerent dill-hole, we’re not. Those sentences are stand alone – race, sexual identity, gender, religion, socioeconomic status have no relationship to Good Person rating.
Epiphany: there are jerks in every flavor. I hope that doesn’t make me a dic%h3@d.